Many people are surprised to learn that a second marriage is more likely to fail than a first marriage. A lot of couples go into a second marriage thinking that it will last since they have learned a lot from their first marriages. There isn’t one single reason why second marriages fall apart. There are several reasons why subsequent marriages don’t last and they are based on the different types of challenges that often come up from a second or even a third marriage.
Getting Remarried too Quickly
In some cases it can take a long time to get a divorce and people begin dating while the process is moving forward. This can often lead to another quick marriage before the divorced individual has had the time to get over the trauma of the first failed marriage. This can bring forth a lot of negative energy into the second or the third marriage. It’s best to put off getting married for a second time until you have completed the important healing process.
When Children Are Involved
There are many situations that can occur when there are children involved from previous marriages. Blended families have their own set of circumstances that parents need to deal with. Not only will the two partners have to take on the challenges of learning to live with each other but they will also have to incorporate the children into the process. In some cases it may work out fine but sometimes trying to resolve the conflicts that may arise from a blended family can put a lot of strain on the new marriage.
There can be problems dealing with discipline as well. What role does the new step-parent have in terms of disciplining the child? Sometimes an older child can end up resenting a new step-parent and this can be very difficult to deal with.
If there is an ex-spouse that is staying in contact with the children, this can lead to jealousy and resentment from the new partner. As well, many divorced people remain in contact with their former in-laws, which can be a point of stress. There can be a lot of thoughts and emotions coming from the extended families and some family members may have the viewpoint that a divorce should never have occurred in the first place. All of these things can lead to disagreements between the two new spouses and lead to unforeseen arguments.
After a Contentious Divorce
It’s common for an individual to blame a former spouse for the breakup of the previous marriage. The divorce may be viewed as the only available solution to eliminate the conflict issues caused by the other person. In this scenario, the person that is having these thoughts may not take any responsibility for how he or she helped to contribute to the divorce.
One of the main reasons why a subsequent marriage can fail is one or both of the new spouses hasn’t worked on healing in order to move forward. When this occurs, the same patterns of behavior may continue forward into the second marriage, which means that the new marriage is already set up for failure. This is especially true for 3rd, 4th or even 5th marriages.
When a divorce is imminent, it’s always best to work with a mediator that knows how to handle the psychological, financial, legal and practical aspects of the divorce. Working with a divorce mediator gives you the opportunity to put in place a respectful and fair divorce agreement without the need for an expensive attorney.
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