It can be a difficult time when a marriage is starting to fall apart. You start off with a happy marriage and then things start to change over time. Perhaps you have grown apart from your partner or there may have been cheating involved. There is a certain time when you may have a battle within your head as to whether the marriage is worth saving or not. Any person that is having a problem with a marriage goes through this turbulent time where indecision plays a huge role and affects his or her life.
In order to make a decision you should take a look at the different pros and cons of divorce and whether it would be better to remain married or not. One of the things to consider first is what brought you to this point. Was there any cheating involved? Did you both gradually grow apart from one another? Answering these questions will help you make a decision regarding the outcome of your marriage.
If Cheating Was Involved
The problem with cheating is it is a direct reversal of the initial agreement to stay faithful to one another. The person that has cheated has one set of emotions while the person that has been cheated on has a completely different set of emotions to deal with. Cheating brings out many feelings that are hard to live with and many people decide that they simply won’t be able to live any longer with someone they can’t trust.
If you have a definite feeling that you will never be able to trust the person you are living with again, you can try to go for marriage counseling to see if this can be resolved. In many cases, it can’t be fixed. It is just the way it is and if this is true then divorce maybe your best option. It will give you your freedom so that you can live your life without sharing it with someone you don’t trust. You can also go ahead and look for another partner that will give you the element of trust that you so desperately need in a relationship.
If you feel that things can be resolved, marriage counseling is a great idea. This would depend, however, on the mindset of the individual that did the cheating. Is this partner full of remorse? Does he understand that it was his or her responsibility to stay faithful within the marriage? Is there any blame being given to the person that was cheated on? There are a lot of variables involved. If the person is show remorse for cheating, there is hope that things can get settled without going ahead with a divorce.
The biggest benefit of getting a divorce is getting out of a toxic relationship. In many cases, people just weren’t meant to be together and this can be resolved through a divorce. When there is abuse involved, either physical or mental, this brings the toxic element up to a brand-new level. Many people find that they can breathe easier after ending a toxic relationship even when they have a number of new challenges they need to face.
Although divorce can leave a negative mark on children, it can also provide a positive effect as well. It’s not optimum to have children being raised in a household where there is a lot of negativity, arguments or even violence. Children deserve to live in a safe, sane environment and parents must do everything within their power to see to it that this occurs.
Many individuals experience a sense of freedom when they can do the things they always wanted to do before but felt held back by the other. This is a very common occurrence. A lot of people have put their goals aside while living with a spouse and then have been able to get in touch with their original goals once again once the divorce has been finalized.
Cons of Getting a Divorce
It costs a lot to get a divorce and this is especially true when lawyers are involved and one thing after another is contested. The average contested divorce costs $15,000 per spouse. Even when things are not contested, the amount you’ll need to pay is extremely high when going through lawyers. In order to save money and to receive a better outcome, it’s highly recommended that you try mediation first.
It can also be difficult getting used to living alone. Not only will you not have companionship but you will also have to survive financially on your own unless you are being provided with alimony. If you were a mother staying at home and raising your children, you may find that you need to get a job to help cover all of the payments. Many people that get divorced suffer from financial hardships until they get back on their feet.
A divorce is also difficult for the children. Studies have shown that children get depressed and become more insecure after a divorce and this can affect their grades at school. The age of the child can also play a major role in determining how much of an effect a divorce will have on them.
It’s never easy coming to a final decision as to whether a divorce would be the right thing to do or not. There is one thing for sure, however, and that is you will be starting a new chapter in your life and you’ll be the author that writes it. You will have much more control over your life and can create the future you want. While it can take some time to adjust to life on your own, you will make it through the hard times and it will all be a distant memory one day.
The best thing you can do to move forward with all this is to end the existing relationship on the best note possible. To do this, consider getting divorce mediation. It can also save you a lot of time, energy, and money that could be much better spent as you move forward with your new life.